So, I’ve been getting some good feedback on my book from friends and family and I’ve had a lot of people ask me if I plan on trying to publish. Most of the time I just tried to avoid the question, I don’t know much about the publishing industry so it was easier to ignore it. What I do know is to expect lots of rejection, and sometimes meaningless drivel like 50 shades of grey somehow make the cut. I’m really insecure about my writing, and this is my first book, and I’ve never written anything like a story before, mostly I write about books, or a poem, maybe a song. So this whole extended story business is new to me. The thought of publishing my book gives me warm fuzzy feelings, but I just don’t know if its good enough.
So being the super insecure person I am, I decided it would be smart to look up some publishing stuff. *Cough*sarcasm*cough. This was a bad idea on so many levels. I ended up having a huge freak out session with my husband about how I was never going to get published because I couldn’t afford to go to writing conferences and no agent would ever take me on with my list of non-existent credentials. After he finally calmed me down I felt really hopeless. When I started writing this book, I really didn’t expect it to go anywhere, but somewhere along the way I started thinking “Hey, maybe writing really IS my destiny.” I started hoping that school in September would be the start of my true calling and the end of my current miserable existence stuck in a job that I loathe.
But it doesn’t seem to matter how many people say “Oh my god, I couldn’t put the book down.” or even my brother who said he read the first 17 chapters in one sitting because and is now bugging me for the rest of the book, I still don’t feel confident. And then I read an article that’s like “You need to really ask yourself, is your book good enough, is it worth someone putting all that effort and money into getting it published for you.” and I doubt myself. I got so lost in this story that I fell in love with these characters I had created. This book feels like my child and when you bring your child out into society you don’t want people to point and laugh, or say “Hey, your baby is really ugly.” I’m still saying “I don’t think its good enough” but is that because I really think that, or am I just scared of rejection?