When you’re reading a scene from your book and seeing it with fresh eyes; with new eyes. I have this heavy scene later on in my book and for the longest time I only saw it from my main characters POV. Which makes sense because I’m writing it from First Person so when you read it, it’s strictly Alice’s viewpoint and how she interprets what’s happening, but tonight as I was reading it I saw it through the other characters eyes. And as I’m reading this scene through Dawson’s eyes I’m feeling more and more horrible.
I never really thought about it before, but tonight I saw. How Alice looked, what she was wearing, how her wet hair clung to her face, the turmoil of emotions in her eyes as they argued and how hard it was for Dawson. How badly he wanted to grab her and take her into his arms and he couldn’t. He could see the pain he was inflicting, had to watch her walk away and how much it absolutely killed him to do so.
And I felt like I had failed him as an author. I’m supposed to be in all of their heads, I’m the one who is capturing all of this and I missed it. Like Alice only saw her pain and what she felt, I missed his pain and what he felt. I felt terrible about it. I always had such a hard time getting inside Dawson’s mind, and really figuring out who is, but tonight I feel like I have a whole new understanding into his feelings and how things affect him. It makes me excited for future things.
Am I totally weird to feel bad about this? It made me actually reconsider writing my book in first person. I want the other characters to have a voice too, but I like how connected you are to Alice when its her POV. I have a lot of things to think about now. The more I flesh out my characters, the more I want to share whats in their head, but maybe I’m the only one who will ever know.